WEIRD & WILD: Could you eat 60 hot dogs in 10 minutes?

Fireworks are soooo 20th century. The modern age knows how to really celebrate America's independence -- gut-stuffing up-chucking gluttony! With that most all-American "food product," too.

Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest (Saturday at noon ET, ESPN) has become the Fourth of July's most anticipated event among the cult cognescenti. Who needs LeBron vs. Kobe when you've got Takeru Kobayashi vs. Joey Chestnut? And that classic Coney Island shore setting? And wanton chewed-food spewing?

For the record, Chestnut owns the 12-minute eating record -- 66 hot dogs. Last year's match changed the traditional time span to 10 minutes (said to be the length of 1916's original match), at which Chestnut and Kobayashi tied with 59. A five-dog "eat-off" found American Chestnut besting the longtime Japanese world champ for the second straight year.

Neither is a beefy dude. And Sonya Thomas, the tiny American who owns most women's records, is even smaller. This isn't just sports, it's sociology.

Lest anyone think this contest is some lame manufactured TV event (which see: The Superstars), it's certified by the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE).

And lest you fear America no longer stands for progress, the winner of that first 1916 contest ate 13 hot dogs. We've since progressed nearly five-fold.

Happy hot dog day!