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RETROVISION: TV Land, down the tubes
Sorry, TV Land. It's over between you and me.
And that's sad, because I loved you like mad when you launched in 1996, suffused in affection for Our TV Heritage.
You brought back shows we hadn't seen in years -- everything from '50s monochrome delights like Sgt. Bilko [above] to '80s game-changers like Hill Street Blues, with treats like Flip Wilson's '70s variety hit or Anne Francis' groovy Honey West sleuthery in between. You ran shows from every TV genre, sprinkling them with cool vintage ads, calling them Retromercials. You even dug up nuggets like tube auteur Rod Serling's 1958 Time Element pilot that led to him getting the Twilight Zone series.
But now? Oh, the horror! In recent years, you've stuffed your lineup with shows we've seen 10,000 times already. (The Jeffersons? Please!) Gone are the obscurities. Gone, in fact, is practically everything that isn't a run-to-death sitcom. And then, you started making those original shows. C'mon now -- high school reunions and baby boomer supermodel contests?
But the final straw arrives Monday -- and it is soooo heavy, it doesn't just break the camel's back, it could also squish an elephant.
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition takes over TV Land prime time Sept. 29-Oct. 5, from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. You're promoting this as The Extreme Makeover Takeover. You say (in the press release), "The show's theme of redemption and renewal resounds and deeply connects with our viewers in their 40s and 50s."
Yuck. Maybe on Oxygen. Or HGTV. Someplace else. Anyplace else! TV Land is supposed to be the home of "classic" TV shows, not product placement, not reality TV (unless it's an ancient episode of Queen for a Day or Real People), certainly not the flavor-of-the-moment. TV Land is for shows that are enduring, or influential, or quaint, or campy. Shows that changed the face of TV, took a snapshot of a bygone era, or made a potent pop culture splash.
I'm not the only one who feels this way, TV Land. Read your own online forums. Read the comment boards across the internet where onetime TV Land fans are blasting away. They're even turning to Amazon, for cripes' sakes, taking a moment out from ordering vintage show DVDs to locate the TV series forum headlined "The cable network TV Land: What ARE they doing?" They've only posted 393 enraged comments there so far this year.
Just like me, they used to loooove you, TV Land. The same way we loved your progenitor, Nick at Nite. Your channels radiated a winning personality that grabbed us, welcomed us, made us feel at home, and gave us a sense of ownership that today makes us feel all the more shafted. First Nick at Nite threw us over, and now you -- foregoing our intense loyalty to showcase flash and, frankly, trash that may attract passing viewers. Perhaps even more viewers, in passing. But soon they'll head on to the next fickle fun thing. And we former devotees will be long gone, to places more worthy of our spurned affections.
We sure won't be watching you, TV Land. Too bad, so sad.
Reading this I started wondering what channels are still true to their origins, besides Turner Classic Movies. The one that has got me is VH1 Classics, a channel which once again showed videos (I must be the only person who still likes to watch videos on TV) now has shows which are some type of original programming about musicians; all the time. Oh well, onto something else I guess.
You're right, Hans. Once ad-free AMC dropped its vintage movie "classics" in favor of recent fluff. (And commercials, of course.) TNN abandoned its country fans for the "guy" stuff of Spike. MTV (and VH1) left behind videos and, sometimes it seems, even music. Discovery used to be straightforward documentaries, and now it's turning toward semi-reality shows.
The painful thing is, the more successful a channel is (thanks to its loyal core fans), the more successful its owners want it to be -- which means they turn more "mainstream" to lure those casual viewers.
Oh, the irony.
No one cares about its loyal viewers when the almighty dollar is involved. Once a bastion of MASH, All in the Family, Andy and on Saturdays Bonanza is now the home of reality that isn't real and just as scripted if not moreso than the sitcoms we love.
Just like radio, TV has been taken over and ruined by consultants who think they know what we want when all they want is a bigger paycheck from the owners of these crappy shows that pass for entertainment.
I told one of the supervisors at my office that the only good things TV Land ran were "Star Trek" and "Cheers". Well, wouldn't you know it! TV Land just dropped "Cheers" for "3rd Rock From The Sun." What I hate about TV Land is that they've started to run movies. It's "TV Land", for crying out loud. Not "Movie Land." Don't get me started on "Extreme Makeover - Home Edition."
American Life TV (Channel 153 on Time Warner; it's not on Cablevision or DirecTV) has a lot of good old stuff. "Hill Street Blues," "St. Elsewhere," "LA Law", "Mary Tyler Moore" (overrated in my opinion, but it's there), both Bob Newhart classic shows, "WKRP," "Lost In Space", "Time Tunnel," "Green Hornet" and "Batman." Since "Green Hornet" and "Batman" may not be on DVD in our lifetimes, Am Life is the only place to see them for now.
TNT has also betrayed its roots. It started off as a channel that ran movies from the MGM library (a task now done better by TCM.) Now, TNT has become just another rerun channel.
Cheers lives! The show has moved to another channel that's increasingly worth a look -- Hallmark Channel. Sam and the gang air Sunday mornings 10-to-noon ET, with some weekend late-night airings, too. Check the schedule at hallmarkchannel.com.
Other vintage treats on Hallmark include The Waltons, Little House on the Prairie and heaping helpings of M*A*S*H (weekdays 5-7 p.m. ET).
I used to watch TV Land a lot more. It is amazing that I get over 100 channels on my CableVison and there are hardly any channels showing 50s thru 70s reruns. I miss AmLife, since I do not have Time Warner anymore. TVLand's reality shows are awful, especially Extreme Home Makeover.