SATURDAY
JANUARY 25
2014

BIANCULLI’S BEST BETS

 

Lifetime, 8:00 p.m. ET

This new Lifetime telemovie is so bad, it’s not even a hot mess – it’s a warm one. But it’s worth a peek, in a voyeuristic or masochistic way, because almost everything about it is so astoundingly wrong. Excluded from this harsh verdict is Christina Ricci, whose portrayal of the titular ax murderer is the one solid element in the entire project. What, otherwise, is so bad? The absurdly anachronistic and inappropriate musical score. The variously visited and revisited murder scenes, with their rapid cuts (figuratively and literally) and a blood fetish only Dexter could love. And, most of all, the silly, obvious and convoluted script by Stephen Kay, whose last writing credit, that horrible 1999 movie remake of The Mod Squad, was 15 years ago. Sorry if this mini-review of Lizzie Borden Took an Ax seems like a hatchet job – but if ever such a treatment was appropriate, this would seem to be the case.

 
  
 
 

TCM, 8:00 p.m. ET

Tonight, this 1975 movie classic is presented on TCM – which means it’s televised in the proper screen ratio, and without commercial interruptions or edits for violence or language. In other words, it’s one of the best ways to watch one of my favorite films of all time. Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfuss star. Steven Spielberg directs. And when Shaw, as grizzled sailor Quint, tells of his wartime experiences during a late-night drinking session on his shark-hunting boat, it’s an amazing movie moment that has absolutely nothing to do with cinematic special effects. What a scene. What a performance. And, from first frame to last, what a movie.

 
  
 
 

Starz!, 9:00 p.m. ET

MINISERIES PREMIERE: This is more warning than recommendation. This Michael Bay TV production has all the action set pieces and random violence and nudity you’ve come to expect from his movies – with characters just as thin, and actors who, for the most part, look a lot better than they act. In the case of Black Sails, this is a shame, because it’s borrowing characters from another, much better pirate story. Black Sails is a prequel to Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island, with a younger version of (Long) John Silver, played by Luke Arnold, at its center. This drama looks good, and its genre and setting certainly is different – but a swashbuckler, in this day and age, needs good writing to stay afloat, not just boats, beatings, and breasts.

 
  
 
 

BBC America, 10:00 p.m. ET

Tonight’s new show features Idris Elba from Luther, Olivia Colenan from Broadchurch, and a guest who might be of special interest even to those who aren’t following quality imported British miniseries: Lena Dunham from HBO’s Girls.

 
  
 
 

Science Channel, 10:00 p.m. ET

In this week’s episode, An Idiot Abroad reluctant traveler Karl Pilkington travels some more – in this specific instance, to examine some global approaches to marriage, and to re-examine his own thoughts on the topic. (Thoughts which, since he’s been living with the same woman, without marrying her, for 20 years now, may be somewhat intractable.)

 
  
 
 

NBC, 11:29 p.m. ET

Jonah Hill returns to guest host for the third time, hot on the heels of his co-starring role in Martin Scorsese’s Wolf of Wall Street. Musical guest: Bastille.

 
  
 
 
 
 
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David Bianculli

Founder / Editor

David Bianculli has been a TV critic since 1975, including a 14-year stint at the New York Daily News, and sees no reason to stop now. Currently, he's TV critic for NPR's Fresh Air with Terry Gross, and is an occasional substitute host for that show. He's also an author and teaches TV and film history at New Jersey's Rowan University. His 2009 Dangerously Funny: The Uncensored Story of 'The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour', has been purchased for film rights. His latest, The Platinum Age of Television: From I Love Lucy to the Walking Dead, How TV Became Terrific, is an effusive guidebook that plots the path from the 1950s’ Golden Age to today’s era of quality TV.